Finding some interests

[skunk]

I met with the landowner today he seems cool and is willing to let us work on it, just have to talk some details. If you really are seriously needing a change I may be able to find you a place to stay for at least a little while.

[IndicusMaximus]

I'm seriously bananas serious.

[TraumaT]

I'm seriously bananas serious.

You'll be OK again. This will pass too.

Much love to you.

[IndicusMaximus]

Ah the great words of the ancient sage:

"This, too, shall pass."

You know what? My musical abilities have been disintegrating lately. I'm not so sad about it going that way. Someone told me a while ago that my musical aspirations were entirely egotistical and that is why they would not bring me success or pleasure in the future. They were right. What is an ego but a mask with which to hide behind? A truth seeker must admit these things, and if the mask is false, one must let it fall away from one's face.

When you do not have the mask to hide behind, you really feel naked. Without being able to say "I'm a musician", I have no place to cower behind when someone wishes to know who I am. I am that I am, and now more than ever I am just that and nothing more.

[IndicusMaximus]

I'm more of a musician in my imagination than in reality. In that case, I would consider myself to be fraudulent.

[TraumaT]

Someone told me a while ago that my musical aspirations were entirely egotistical and that is why they would not bring me success or pleasure in the future.

That sounds like complete and utter BS to me. Just ignore it.

What musician doesn't play an instrument or sing first and foremost for his/her own pleasure? What is wrong wth that? And what musician would be any good at all without finding "egotistical" joy in what they do?

And if you think of yourself as a musician, then you are one. Nothing fraudulent about that.

[IndicusMaximus]

Well it goes way back to the year or so leading up to my first guitar. I wanted to play guitar because I thought it would give me some semi-imperishable identity like it did Kurt Cobain. I don't think that I ever let go of that ambition. I think it guided my every musical move, in truth. What would you call that? Why do I feel discontent with music when I am supposed to be content with music as a musician?

I have to learn from the mistakes of those who previously let those mistakes consume and devour them. Kurt Cobain is one of those people. He's the reason I began playing guitar, and he's perhaps possibly the reason I may put the guitar down. He was always crusading for the cause of the artist, yet he was also trying to uphold an image and a false ideal which reflected the image he wanted others to see. It was a false image of him as some personality which had much more depth than it actually had. Do you know that at one point, Kurt Cobain had stormed into the office of David Geffen, demanding another Cadillac?

Real musicians would be content with the creation alone. I am not content with just the creation, since I have always sought to use that creation ion order to establish my identity.

That is false, because I am not the creation. I am only the medium with which the creation is manifested through. If I cannot be a proper medium for the music, then I will cease to be a medium... and it seems the case, because I cannot, it seems, project the creation without taking ownership of it.

I do not own it. Perhaps this is why I am becoming congested and unable to bring that creation forth. Perhaps I need to let it go in order for it to properly be what it once was again. If I truly love it, I will have to be accepting of its absence if it chooses to go elsewhere.

[TraumaT]

I do not own it. Perhaps this is why I am becoming congested and unable to bring that creation forth. Perhaps I need to let it go in order for it to properly be what it once was again. If I truly love it, I will have to be accepting of its absence if it chooses to go elsewhere.

To be honest I don't know much about Kurt Cobain. I know he had drug problems, though... So were his problems "real"? How much of what he struggled with was in fact directly related to or even caused by his heroin addiction? Would he have comitted suicide if he was not using drugs? Perhaps not.

And I actually think any artist owns his/her creation. Just like a writer "owns" a novel, a painter "owns" a portrait, a sculptor "owns" a bust, a film director "owns" a movie... Their works become a very important part of their identity, and I don't see that as wrong. I don't see that as a false identity at all, it's just a piece of the puzzle that makes a human being.

And all artists have dry spells.... Writer's block is not uncommon, but sooner or later the urge to create comes back again. I wouldn't worry too much about it if music is not your focus right now, Indy. Take care of yourself, that is the only important thing at the moment.

[lkwalker]

I'm seriously bananas serious.

You'll be OK again. This will pass too.

Much love to you.

My mother's most famous expression: "This too will pass.". And of course she was correct. She always was. Mummy Teased is also correct. "This will pass too..". Even Norwegianistas know some stuff.

[IndicusMaximus]

Yeah well as always, I'm just talking. Crisis medicated for now.